Thursday, May 7, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
- live forever
- never age from the day they are "changed"
- never sleep
- glitter in the sun
- are very sexual beings
- have special powers
- can't fly, but run really fast
- best friend material
- get to go back to being human
- can hear other pack members' thoughts
Monday, April 6, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
again, i know i'm supposed to be talking about bomb threats, but someone we all know and love has been arrested, people, and we must discuss.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
My coworker has a booklet out on her desk at work. It covers things like fire procedures, what to do during a medical emergency, and how to shelter-in-place. What I find more interesting, though, are the topics on workplace violence, suspicious packages, and bomb threats.
Today, I’ll cover workplace violence. I’m going to give you the characteristics of an individual capable of committing workplace violence, you tell me if you know anybody, anybody at all that demonstrates these traits.
Crisis indicators and warning signs:
- Direct or veiled threats of harm either verbal or written
- Intimidating, belligerent, harassing, bullying, or aggressive behavior
- Inconsistent/declining performance
- Lack of ambition or dedication
- Decrease in use of personal hygiene
- Declining customer service skills
- Ignoring rules and regulations
- Blaming others for mistakes
- Fascination with weapons/violence or bringing weapons to work
I’d like to point out that at least 7 of these items pertain to almost everyone reading this blog right now. I have your names and numbers and I’m calling the authorities on you.
Stay tuned for our next post...bomb threats!
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
- don't worry, be happy, bobby mcferrin (this was for a work thing and it's really not my fault)
- perfection, cher (again, a work thing and i promise i skip it every time it comes up)
- all for love, color me bad (it uuuuuused to be a good song, right???)
- reach, gloria estefan (work, i promise!)
- beer for my horses, toby keith
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
- go to your favorite music storage device be it an ipod, songsyouusedtolove, or squirreled away music on your hard drive (note, you must be able to shuffle songs to play by the rules)
- clear the cache so you are starting with all your saved music options
- shuffle everything
- list the first 5 songs that come up, no matter how embarrassing they are (yes, drover, that means you even if you didn't load them on your device). the only catch here is if you have unnamed music in your stored music (who has this other than drover? you're weird, just like him.), then you can advance to the next song.
- Narrow Stairs, Deathcab for Cutie--an excellent pull!
- Don't Stop Believin', ??--okay, so i'll admit that this is on my ipod as workout music. it's a back track, if you must know.
- Shock 'n Y'all, Toby Keith--embarrassing. also, i'll say i don't know the words, so i should get a reprieve for that.
- Twice the Speed of Light, Sugarland--say what you will, but i like sugarland and i like country music!
- Big City, Merle Haggard--so, this was for a work thing, but my parents' first date was at a merle concert, so i don't feel so bad.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
oh english degree holder, why does the word "pretty" double as a comment about looks and then as a description of intensity (i am pretty hungry).
hog drover [8:56 AM]:
explain these things to me
jeni reni [8:57 AM]:
pretty as in looks means better than average
jeni reni [8:57 AM]:
pretty as in fairly means the same
jeni reni [8:57 AM]:
b/c fair also means pretty
jeni reni [8:57 AM]:
hog drover [8:58 AM]:
that is grade A bs. i'm impressed
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Saturday, February 7, 2009
it's a great day here on the east coast...55 degrees and sunny--doesn't get much better for a saturday in february. K and i alighted on our morning walk and we decided on one of our alternate routes, which bypasses his favorite poop spot (i should know better, right?) and takes us past more houses than businesses.
wait, let me back up here...i always take two bags with me because once or twice he decided he needed to go more than once and i was left embarrassed with no pick-up mechanism. so, before we left i dutifully put two bags in my hoodie pocket.
ok, back to the walk. we're cruising right along and he decides it's time. i'm down, right? i have my bags...or do i? no, i don't! omg, where tf are they??? this is exactly what i ask him. he just flings his back legs in the air in response. omg. mortified. what do i do? RUN!!!
yep, kids. i left it. and i'm feeling horribly guilty. AND, ethel, don't think it hasn't already occurred to me that not only did i not clean up after my dog, but i sent two plastic bags into the great outdoors. i can only imagine where they are. they've probably killed 28 birds, a mouse, and suffocated the neighborhood cat.
i'm a bad person
Friday, February 6, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
the short answer is, i don't know. the long (and more enjoyable) answer is that he has ocd and he's made a habit out of it. (if you know anyone with ocd like this, it's great fun to shout "hi!" at them in the middle of their ritual and watch them start all over again, just fyi.)
since the last snow (what, a week ago?), he has parked his car and his wife's car in front of my house-taking up our parking spaces. jackass, right? right.
last night he wasn't home when i got back from the gym so i parked in the middle of 2 spaces and he had to park halfway down the street. victory is mine!
alas, tonight i didn't beat him home and he's, once again, in front of my house. we're considering using his driveway since he doesn't seem to want to.
ok, so where is this meandering post leading? i've decided i'd like to challenge c-sucker to a duel, if you will. i want to arm wrestle him for the parking spot (thanks to edrick for this idea). (c-suckers's an old man and i'll totally dominate him.)
who do you want to arm wrestle? the person can be real or imagined, alive or dead. go!
Monday, January 26, 2009
let me catch you up on the duggar's. they're a family of like 20 from arkansas. they heart god big time. so the oldest son (20) is going to get married, after i think only seeing "his bride" all of four times in person. fine. arranged marriages are good. whatever.
this is what gets me: the first time they are going to kiss is at their wedding. can you imagine having your first kiss in front of all those people? dude tried to do some weird french kiss thing. i was uncomf to say the least.
just before the wedding, the dad gives his son a book and some sort of dvd/cd thing on being a good husband and tries to teach him about "the birds and the bees." most awkward conversation of that kid's life, right?
wrong, in his bio says he "was constanty tempted to have lots of wrong thoughts" but "if he was willing to share honestly & openly with his parents" he was somehow cleared of these "wrong thoughts."
how do you think that conversation went? and what are the chances that he didn't kill anybody with all that pent up frustration?
watch the show. guaranteed nightmares.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
top 5 scenes (some of these may be slightly ficticious):
- no. 5: it's kindegarten. i have a crush on roger semen (played by brad pitt, obvi). my dad (harrison ford in his indiana jones days) talks about him non-stop. why?
- no. 4: i'm 12 and run a 4.4 40 (fastest child alive--it's been hard to live down. i've done all the major talk shows. no big deal.)
- no. 3: as a mature 16 year old, i become the founder of the gorgeous ladies of wrestling (you know you watched)
- no. 2: a few years ago A finds out about the mind meld. she remains scared of it to this day. i secretly, alright openly, love it.
- no. 1: current day. i take over the world. muahahaha
who would play you in the movie of your life? any top scenes come to mind?
unfortunately, jimmy the pig drover is also the butcher. poor piggies.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
things to consider:
- does this animal have the right hair? friends? clothes?
- how does this animal look in a blazer? seer sucker? madras shorts?
- is this animal wealthy? does he row crew or sail? does he have more than one house?
animals that have already been discussed:
- penguins are the most formal animal, therefore penguin is not the right answer
- giraffe--good hair, looks down on people, only hangs with their own kind; is he too much of a loner though?
- male african lion--better hair, would totally rock a blazer; is he really a prepster or a bad ass though?
so, let's hear it. what is the preppiest animal? go!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
let's examine what these might look like:
- saying/doing something insanely stupid
- a tragic ensemble
- george bush (ok, that's mean, but seriously)
- global warming
- other terrific ideas i/you come up with
while i haven't been able to identify a great "edit > undo" for today, i'll focus my first ctrl + z on an embarrassing/tragic event from yesterday.
it was a freezing cold day on the east coast and i was lucky enough to be working from home. i took this delightful opportunity to walk my dog late in the afternoon. as i usually do, i bundled up with hat, scarf, mittens...the whole 9. K turned circles in his usual "poop spot" and i prepared to clean up with a plastic bag. please note that in most instances i remove mittens prior to clean up duty. not so yesterday. i decided i was talented enough to keep the mitten on for clean up. as my friend "jimmy" will attest, life in a mitten is not easy. he's right.
as i went to turn the bag inside out, i got poop on the mitten. gross. seriously.
let this be a lesson to all of you. life in mittens is hard...and smelly.