Thursday, January 22, 2009


...that's the name of the movie they're making about my life (don't ask who "they" are or why a movie is being made). but since the movie is being made, i thought i should consider who they should cast as the leading lady. drew barrymore, right? it's so obvious.

top 5 scenes (some of these may be slightly ficticious):
  • no. 5: it's kindegarten. i have a crush on roger semen (played by brad pitt, obvi). my dad (harrison ford in his indiana jones days) talks about him non-stop. why?
  • no. 4: i'm 12 and run a 4.4 40 (fastest child alive--it's been hard to live down. i've done all the major talk shows. no big deal.)
  • no. 3: as a mature 16 year old, i become the founder of the gorgeous ladies of wrestling (you know you watched)
  • no. 2: a few years ago A finds out about the mind meld. she remains scared of it to this day. i secretly, alright openly, love it.
  • no. 1: current day. i take over the world. muahahaha

who would play you in the movie of your life? any top scenes come to mind?


  1. matt damon.
    opening scene: pan out, summit of snowcapped Mont Blanc.
    Flip off my goggles. Throw ice-axe into the snow. Pick up guitar-axe*.
    Sing guitar-riff-filled version of The Sound of Music. The hills are alive, bitches... and I'm jacked. Check out these guns. Oh yeah, that's the kind of thrill ride the audience is in store for. Welcome to my world.

    This is a future scene in my life, FYI, though it could easily be present-day.

    *Seeking product placement opportunity from Axe Body Spray and/or Paul Bunyan.

  2. what about the scene where you teach me about apples and peanut butter? or the one where i call you in a panic because i forgot what kind of peanut butter to buy? of even the one where you flirt and giggle with the teacher to get a good grade on some project you spent 10 minutes on. you know she loved the attention.

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  4. When thinking about my movie star portrayal, I decided to ask my friends. However, I kept getting the same answers over and over again: Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Mark Wahlburg, Queen Latifah, Sean Connery, Linsday Lohan, Daniel Baldwin, Morgan Freeman, blah blah blah.

    Of course these are the obvious answers. But, I entered into deep thought and tried to imagine these characters in important stages of my life, and that is when I realized something important: Since I am only 17, how could I possibly choose an actor at this point of my adolescence. I immediately looked into the future of my life and decided on the perfect actor choice: James Gandolfini.

    It has nothing to do with his role as an Italian mob boss, but his size. That’s right, I think I'm gonna get huge. I am so hungry 24 hrs a day, I feel like I'm pregnant with a baby who has a tape worm. I can’t even think about concentrating until I’ve had a 2,000 calorie chicken fajita burrito bowl for breakfast. All I'm saying is once I turn 18 and my metabolism slows down, there is a pretty good chance I’ll become an angry, fat, Italian, mob errr honest business man.

  5. @shamus...matt damon? you wish. bobcat goldthwaith more like. and keep dreaming that mont blanc day...

    @christine...imagine what your kid would eat if i didn't remember that choosey moms choose jif. and i think i remember you flirting shamelessly with teachers, too, no? makes me remember a time when your bathtub didn't have to be the size of the inner harbor.