Wednesday, February 18, 2009

hospital time

as you may know, my husband checked into the emergency room around 3am yesterday. his appendix ruptured and he needed surgery to get the infected appendix out and to clean up his abdomen--this procedure didn't happen until 6:15pm yesterday...this is something i like to call "hospital time." see, hospitals don't operate on normal people time..."they're taking him up in a few minutes" could be anywhere from 2 minutes (actually a few minutes) to 6 hours (not a few minutes. in fact, this is more than a few hours).

so, i've been thinking about what the hospital time equation might look like. i think it goes something like this:
size of doctor's ego (always huge) + pain^2 X actual time elapsed = hospital time

the surgery went well and we'll be going home in a few days. hospital time will continue to occur (like today when the doctor was coming in the, check that he's coming at, wait, he showed up at 5:30, took a call in the middle of the consult, cracked inapprop jokes and left).

have you ever had to live on hospital time? and how does one get back to miller time?


  1. Hospital time blows. But there's nothing that says that hospital time and Miller time can't be the same time.
    Last time we were in the hospital for an extended stay my parents brought me a cooler full of beer which we proceeded to pound heavily... until the nurse came in. Turns out, she didn't want one. Also turns out you're not supposed to drink beer in the hospital. But I say, if the doctor doesn't want you to drink beer, have him come and stop you himself. Maybe then he'll show up.

    In unrelated news, I saw the genetic cousin of the armpit beaver, armpit sasquatch, on the tv tonight:

  2. Hospital time suuuuuuuuuuucks. We had one day where nothing could happen until the doctor came, and he didn't come until 5:30 pm. Also, it was a Friday. So nothing happened until Monday. We were ready to rage. The best way to get back to normal time is to start telling them what to do instead of just doing whatever they tell you. Once we started dictating, we were out of there in a couple of days. Of course, our situation was a tad different from yours...

  3. Since I am currently reading how to train dogs (way diff than hogs), I can give you advice on mastering your doctor.

    Doctors are pack animals and you need to become the doctor's leader in order for it to respect and listen to you.

    Step 1: place the doctor in the "down" position on the floor, while sitting or standing next to it

    Step 2: without speaking, every time the doctor attempts to get up, place your hands on it and put it back down to the "down" position.

    Step 3: Do this for 30 minutes (hospital time), then release the doctor by saying "okay".

    After relentlessly, and silently, pushing your doctor down to the ground, it should get the idea and be ready to serve you on time. Good luck!

  4. glad he is doing well and did not have to lay on for floor for 24 hours with people walking around him.